Wizard Anger Management and Control
by Lady Agatha Hal
Summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Very light-hearted.
1. WAMC Sessions

**Wizard Anger Management and Control **

_By: Lady Agatha Hal _

Rating: G

Summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Very light-hearted.

Note: Post OotP. Sirius is still alive. Voldemort has been defeated – but that has nothing to do with this.

* * *

'You both know why I have summoned you here,' Dumbledore said with glittering eyes, 'do you not?'

'Dumbledore, what is this idiocy? Where has your latest mood taken you?' Snape snapped.

'Severus, stay calm, please. Minerva has told me about your countless and endless arguments – that I have witnessed myself, I must add. We both feel that you perhaps have some – anger – in you, and need to get it out,' he paused and observed the scowling pair, 'So we have bought you admission into WAMC classes.'

Snape looked perplexed but Black jumped up with a fresh glower, 'Dumbledore, _you cannot_ make me go there!'

'Oh, but my dear young man, it is good for you. For both of you.'

'_Dumbledore_! No! I refuse. And moreover, I refuse to go with Snivellus!'

'Ah yes, the fond nicknames,' Dumbledore intoned. Snape was so furious with both that he did not know where to turn.

'What is this folly?' he managed to spit.

'Wizard Anger Management and Control,' Black said dully, 'Dumbledore, no. I will not go.'

'All up to you, of course, my dear gentlemen,' Dumbledore smiled widely back, 'however, considering Minerva and I have already bought you admission, you might find two not extremely gentle wizards sweeping down on you. I will leave you to decide. Good day.' He got up and walked briskly out of the Staff Room, humming softly to himself.

The pair leave behind were speechless with fury.

'I won't go. I refuse to go,' Snape said finally, smoothing down his robes and making for the exit.

'Oh, get a life, Snivellus. If you don't go two very harsh wizards – or perhaps witches – will make you. You decide which is better for your snotty pride. I am going to go ask Minerva just _how _many sessions they paid for.' He looked at Snape, wondering whether he should wish him a good day (as they recently had taken to saying frostily) and decided against. He left, slamming the door, which yelled '_Manners_!' after him.

With wrath like never before, he got up and followed Black.

O

'Two.'

'_What_! Minerva, why? WHY?'

'Oh, Sirius, calm down. You and Severus have to sort out your differences.' Snape stopped shortly and listened.

'What do you mean, sort our differences? Our differences _cannot_ be sorted.'

'You two climbed the wrong tree.'

'_What_?' Black asked incredulously.

'The wrong tree, Sirius, the wrong tree.'

'I heard you but I completely miss your meaning. Talk in English.'

'You walked down the wrong lane.'

'Miner- oh, I give up. I don't care if we climbed the wrong tree, walked down the wrong lane, or swam down the wrong river. That's not the point. The point is, Minerva, is that neither of us want to go, and that you and Dumbledore have been incredibly rash in suggesting we do.'

'Don't you see, Sirius? You two have already agreed on one thing. Now, be a good boy and go,' she smiled, 'I'm not taking my money back. And trust me – it costs a fortune.'

'Have I reached a dead end?' he said dejectedly and somewhat fondly.

'Yes, Sirius,' she patted his shoulder, 'just go. It's only two sessions.'

'Make it one and I'll go quietly.'

'No. You'll go quietly anyway, you know you will. You've got your pride to lose. To have all of Hogwarts knowing you're going to WAMC or a little secret between us four? You'll go quietly.'

'You'll be the death of me, Minerva, you know that?'

'Likewise, my dear boy, likewise. Now go, I have papers to mark.' Snape clenched his fists and walked quickly to the dungeons.

'Good day, Minerva,' Black said as he walked out.

'You too, Sirius.'

* * *

_Feedback? If this is popular, I will continue it. The next chapter will be the first session of WAMC. Enjoy._

_Lady Agatha_


	2. Going to WAMC

**Wizard Anger Management and Control **

_By: Lady Agatha Hal_

Chapter Two

Rating: G

Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Very light-hearted.

Chapter summary: In which Snape and Black go to where WAMC classes are held.

Note: As I said before, this is post OotP. Sirius is still alive. Voldemort has been defeated – but that has nothing to do with this. Some people were confused as to what Black was doing in Hogwarts. As you will find out from the text, he teaches there now. As to what subject, it will come up later. Enjoy.

* * *

Silence.

Footsteps.

A cough.

Snape shuffled in his seat and looked over at Black and coughed again.

'Oh, Merlin's Beard! Will you two please stop acting like a pair of trolls!' Professor McGonagoll said as she got up from the Staff table, 'if you have something to say to Sirius, Severus, then _say it_ and stop acting like you've got a coughing fit.' She went off.

Black looked over at Snape expectantly.

'Right. Yes. This class… where is it?' he asked in a false indifferent voice.

'Hogesmade. I will, most unfortunately, see you there,' he got up walked down towards the Gryffindor table to talk to the latest Weasley, young Ida. Snape scowled at his plate of toast.

O

_Bloody Dumbledore… _Snape thought furiously the next morning at he donned his usual black robe. _Interfering, crackpot old FOOL_. He walked swiftly with much noise towards the Staff room, where he crashed into Hagrid, and literally bounced off.

'Apologies, Professor,' Hagrid said. Snape grimaced and went in.

He walked in and waved his wand to conjure up his morning dosage of caffeine (to which he was as addicted as any Muggle) and noted in forced calm that smiling McGonagoll was seated at her high-backed brown armchair, talking to Dumbledore in his favourite purple chintz chair.

'Good Morning, Severus,' Dumbledore said cheerfully.

He grunted, throwing looks of contempt towards the pair by the grate, and gulped down his coffee. He transfigured the sugar bowl into a Quaffle and put a hovering charm on it, making it swing round in the air in a clockwise motion.

Black walked in, looked at Snape, then the Quaffle, then Snape again, and walked over to the Quaffle and chucked it at Snape's head. Hard.

'_Stop that_,' Black said irritably.

'Sirius. That could be dangerous,' McGonagoll said dutifully.

Sirius looked at her with scorn, 'it just bounces off his long nose.'

'Stop!' Dumbledore said before Snape could say anything, 'both of you. Sirius, stop badgering Severus on purpose. Severus, I beg of you to stop acting like a wet rag. Grow up, show yourself to be the responsible adults you are, or otherwise I will have severe doubts of the pair of you continuing to teach at Hogwarts.'

Stunned silence.

O

Black walked out of the school gates and stood for a moment, thinking about what was going to happen. He knew all about WAMC classes, but didn't know who was in charge of them and what exactly happened. The counseling session was only one part of the package. He sighed, thinking that he would very much like to hurt Dumbledore at the moment, and Apparated to Hogesmade.

O

Snape hesitated outside the WAMC door. It was in part of Hogesmade he hadn't ventured in before, and with good reason. Everything within two or three blocks advertised all sorts of spells and potions for mental illnesses and anger management. Looking at the door he was supposed to enter, Snape knew that his future reputation will be absolutely devastated. The house it was held in was a bright shade of green, with a lemon-yellow door. The windows themselves had red boarders and pink-and-orange checkered curtains concealed the view.

All in all, it was the most hideous place Snape ever had to set foot in. And he didn't like it. Not one bit.

Gritting his teeth with quite unnecessary force, he strode forward and went in, thinking that Dumbledore and McGonagoll were really quite lucky to be back at the castle. Some extremely hostile jinxes were flooding his mind.

O

Black found himself in the WAMC lounge, and a quick glance around confirmed that Snape was not there yet. He ignored the witch and wizard arguing at the top of their lungs, and a witch that kept slapping a doll so very like a real child (complete with the crying and screaming) and the black-robed figure in the corner, who gave off the aura of a vampire. He strode up to the bubble-gum pink counter.

'Good Morning. My name is Black. I have an... appointment. With a certain Severus Snape,' he said stiffly.

The witch behind the desk flipped a page in her magazine, reading the rest of her article before looking up. At the sight of Black, she did a double take and smiled sweetly. Now that he was restored to his old looks, Black was having no trouble with women whatsoever.

'Of course,' she batted her eyelashes, 'what time is it scheduled for?'

'Nine o'clock,' he said briskly. She continued grinning stupidly. He took pity on her and gave her a slight smile. She flushed and pressed a button.

'Ninety hundred hours, Snape, Severus and Black, –' She looked up.

'Sirius,' he supplied.

'Sirius,' she repeated after him. A piece of green parchment flew out of a slot, shortly followed by another. She handed him the second one, pointed at the other with her wand (which was most uncommonly long) and it zoomed down the corridor.

_

Ms Erin Mydelle will be with you shortly

_ the parchment read. 

The witch was still watching him rather breathlessly. He grinned – it really was like the old times, 'sorry to bother you –'

'Not at all!'

'But isn't this place's colour scheme a little _excessive_?' He asked, wincing slightly at the sight of red, blue and yellow chairs. It made him think of the Children's Ward in St. Mungo's.

'Yes,' she said darkly, 'my aunt always was very… bright.' Her expression of blandness returned, 'but, of course, I'll conjure up one of _decent_ colour – and a little more comfortable – for you while you wait.'

'Thank you, it's very kind of you – Miss…?'

'Lynn Mydelle,' she said, blushing, and waving her wand. A comfortable-looking beige armchair appeared, clashing very much with the rest of the room's décor.

O

Snape walked in to find Black chatting aimlessly to the attendant (for that's what he assumed she was) and looked on from his place in the hall. The inside of the building were no less shocking than out, with a hideous shade of purple occupying the walls. Portraits beamed at him, and one lady dressed in civil clothing said, 'Merlin's beard… a Snape.'

He stopped short.

'What?'

'You are a Snape, are you not? You have to be. Your nose is exactly like my son's. Dear me, what year is it… well, you must be at least his great-great-grandson. Which makes me your great-great-great-grandmother!' She said cheerfully.

'What – are – you – talking – about?' Snape said in a very strained voice.

'I am sorry, it must seem extremely unfathomable. I am Ida Lester-Snape. My son is Virmandarium Snape. Your great-great-grandfather.'

A look of dawning comprehension appeared on Snape's face, 'ah.'

'Yes, my dear. What on earth are you doing here? You Snapes do so detest admitting your problems.'

'You're not wrong,' he muttered, and walked into the waiting room where Black was. He gave the attendant a second (which, he thought, was very considerate of him) for she was clearly in the middle of something. When a normal-looking chair appeared a moment later, Snape scowled at what had to be Black's doing.

Attendants simply did not go around conjuring more comfortable chairs for people.

O

He gave Mydelle a winning smile as he settled into his chair, 'thank you, Mydelle. How long will I have to wait?'

'I don't know,' she said, sounding slightly flustered, 'my aunt – I mean, the Mydelle in charge will shortly send word to summon you,' she said, in a trivial attempt at sounding professional.

Cough. Black looked up to see Snape scowling from the counter. He held back a sigh.

'Snape! Take a seat,' he said in a false cheerful voice, 'there's plenty to go round!' He waved an arm carelessly towards the many empty seats. Snape glared at him.

In what seemed to be a whim, he took out his wand and promptly changed the colour of one seat from yellow to black, and sat down. Lynn Mybelle sniffed loudly and returned to her magazine, occasionally sneaking glances at Black sitting, seemingly relaxed with his feet up.

* * *

_I hope I was prompt with my update! Feedback has been encouraging. Thank you to all my reviewers._

_Lady Agatha_


	3. At WAMC

**Wizard Anger Management and Control **

_By: Lady Agatha Hal_

Chapter Two

Rating: G

Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Very light-hearted.

Chapter summary: In which Snape and Black go to their first WAMC session.

* * *

A long, thin piece of wood, looking remarkbly like a wand, zoomed down the corridor to the waiting room and suddenly stopped in mid-air. It twirled itself in the air, earning an eyebrow-cocking from Snape, and produced a piece of frilly lilac cloth which squealed, 'Black, Sirius! Snape, Severus! To my office, please, dears.' Snape closed his eyes and seemed to count to ten before he got up, slowly.

The attendent was looking at Black with a wistful expression on her face, 'I really am sorry, she's such an embarrassment..'

'Hey, I've come here to be embarrassed, haven't I?' Black replied with a smile. Snape coughed, and Black hid a smile and said, 'see you after the show.'

'Y-yes,' she blushed, and when Snape looked at her pointedly said, 'all the way down, door before the last.' He nodded and strode down, Black following at a slower, more relaxed pace.

'Do you have to?' Snape said, as they walked.

'Have to what?' Black retorted, though he knew perfectly well what Snape meant.

Snape scrunched up his long nose, and waved a hand soundlessly, looking for an alternate word to the one he was about to use. '_Flirt_.'

'Oh. That? No, that wasn't flirting, Snivellus, that was keeping a poor girl happy. Besides, after you strode in she sort of thought we were gay, you know?'

Black had now decided that maintaining a you're-my-buddy atmosphere while saying things that he knew would piss Snape off would make the whole pointless business more enjoyable.

Snape jumped about a foot in the air, and looked very much alarmed, 'you put her right, did you not?'

'Certinaly not. Firstly, I said she clearly _thought_ we were gay, not said it. And secondly, it's much more fun seeing you embarrassed.'

'BLACK!' Snape turned round and was about to start up the corridor to correct the attendent when a short, lumpy lady appeared, 'were you two ever going to reach the end?' Now that they looked at the corridor, it did seem to have no end. In fact, Sirius could see the swirls of colour in the wall merging.

'Oh. I guess we'll just Apparate to the end, then,' said Snape, noticing the problem and forgetting the previous one momentarily, and without ado, both pulled the sour-lemon faces magic folk get when trying to Apparate. However, both stayed exactly where they were, though the were knocked a few paces back.

'You can't Apparate. You two are from Hogwarts, aren't you?'

'Yes,' Snape replied.

'Well, it's the same spell. To stop our little... costumers - from Apparating and leaving us.'

'We didn't notice it was so.. long,' Black intoned, still staring the merging swirles and lines.

'It's not.'

'But... I can't even see the end,' Black said, puzzled.

'You should. You're standing there,' the lady said in a matter-of-fact voice.

'Whaat? _Oh!_' both looked puzzled then a bit annoyed.

'Yes, it's biwitched. As is this door,' she stepped away, and there was wall behind her. She waved her wand (turns out the thin piece of wood _was_ a wand, after all) and a round, yellow door appeared, with a bright red-grey knob in the middle, looking horrid with this part of the corridor, which had pink walls. 'Come in, my dears. You've much to go through.'

Black and Snape looked at each other, neither wanting to enter the strange domain first. The lady sensed their hesitance, and pointed at Snape, 'you first. You need a real good run-down.'

Sure that the last of his self esteem and pride would be stripped away by walking through the round door, Snape braced himself, and... didn't move. The lady waited a couple of seconds, looking at him intently with a _It's better if you just do_ expression, but after no movement she pointed her wand at him. Snape felt something huge and prickly behind him throwing him off balance and into the room. He turned his head to look, and saw it was a very large hand, clothed in a glove of white bristles. Black burst out laughing and walked in, without a hand (A/N: I know it's a lame and very stupid joke. Excuse me for putting it there, but I can't seem to delete it).

'Listen, next time, Snape, my dear. Actually, I'd rather call you Snapie. Yes, I think that's a suitable nickname.'

Snape batteled with his urge to vomit.

'And you, dearie,' she said, turning to Black, 'Black. Hmm. First name, Sirius. Yes, my little Star. I'm going to call you Star.'

'Great,' he said, and smiled.

'Now you, my dear Snapie, need some different coloured robes. Black won't do,' she waved her wand, and Black let out a howl of laughter at what he felt was Snape stuck in Gilderoy Lockhart's clothing.

'_NO_!' Snape said with a look of absolute loathing on his face.

'Oh, I'm sorry, dearie. Would you rather join us in your underwear?' with a discreet point Snape was stripped down to his underpants. He let out a yowl of rage. Black wondered if he should warn the lady that she could fall dead in his hands if he was this mad. He decided it was more fun to merely watch... however, a horrible sense of de jevu was creeping over him, which he pushed away. _Not now_, he told it silently.

Snape, meanwhile, was trying to conjour up some clothing, and failing. A few minutes passed, and he finally broke down and said in a low, menacing voice, '_what is going on_?'

The lady smiled, 'let me introduce myself first! Dear, dear, your priorities, Snapie. I'm . But you, dears, call me Auntie. Now, have a seat.' Black sunk into a chair while Snape remained resolutely standing, a look of death on his face. 'I said, _sit_.' And the white hand appeared again and pushed Severus down into a iron chair, 'good.' Snape's fury was past complete.

'So, we all know you have little problems with your anger managment, of course. Why is that? You seem like a perfectly nice boy, Star.'

'Yes, _Auntie_, I am,' he took pleasure in seeing Snape squirm in his underwear. _This_ is somethiing he will _never_ let Snape live down, 'but seeing as I'm past 40, I don't think myself a boy.'

'Sweetheart, I'm 168, and I'm still a girl.'

Black looked shocked, 'oh, right. Sorry. Whatever. Well, my problem is only with Snape, really, whereas his is with everybody.'

'Hmm.' Already Black could tell he was the favourite, 'now, Snapie...'

* * *

_Can I please leave you there? I need to go. Sorry I've taken so long to update this chapter, but I'm abroad, and still am. Apologies for the delay, and for the shortness. I will update as soon as I'm back home, which is the 20th. If I breach that deadline too much please come after me. _

_Thanks as always to my reviewers. I hope you like this chapter. If you don't send me Howlers to rewrite it! It's not edited, but I will edit it when I get back! Apologies again._

_Ciao for now._

_Lady Agatha_


	4. Shocks of a Revelation

**Wizard Anger Management and Control **

_By: Lady Agatha Hal_

Chapter Four

Rating: G

Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Light-hearted.

Chapter summary: Snape and Black are in their WAMC session. They are surprised by a new revelation.

_All my readers – I am truly sorry for the violence on Sev. I love him as much as anyone. Forgive me, but for writing things must be sacrificed._

* * *

'Now, Snapie…' Roxie smiled, 'would you like to share why you have so many problems, hmm?'

'I will do nothing of the sort. Furthermore, I refuseto do _anything _without my previous attire,' Snape replied, throwing Roxie his Venom Glare.

She deliberately ignored it, 'I see. Well then, you'll just have to sit and listen to Star here. Oh, no – don't think I'm letting you get dressed, my dear. You're staying as you are. I'd stop squirming if I were you,' she giggled, 'you wouldn't want to wriggle yourself out of your underwear.'

'Hilarious.'

'It is, rather,' Black injected, enjoying himself. Had he known Snape would get such a through thrashing, he wouldn't've objected so very much when the idea was presented.

'My little Star, you shouldn't make so much fun of Snapie. He's a dearie at heart, he has to be. He came here through free will, did he not?'

'Yes, _Auntie_, he did,' he emphasized the 'Auntie', 'did you want to ask me anything?'

'Yes, sweetheart. I was just going to ask you, why do you think Snape has such problems?'

'Oh, this is too amusing. He's always been a spoilt child – you know the Snapes, Auntie, lavishly spending on completely irrelevant and useless things. He was then cut off from his inheritance for a little while… for some _things_ he did, and I think that turned him sour,' Black replied, smirking at a furious Snape.

'Oh, my Snapie Sev!' Roxie said, pouting and looking very sorry for Snape. 'Oh, come here and give me a hug.'

Snape choked on air at the prospect.

'Thank you, I am perfectly content here,' he said.

'Ever the gentlemen, eh, Sevvie Sev? However, my little darling, I did tell you to come and give me a hug and you _will_ do so, won't you, _dear_?' Roxie's chubby face suddenly turned lethal, 'I'm not exactly used to not getting what I want. So you _will_ do what I say.'

Snape (and Black, for that matter) looked taken aback with her sudden change off attitude. 'I am sorry,' he said, 'but I find it hard to accept that for a single _memorable _second that a hug – from me, no less – is something you would want.'

'Do you always push your emotional needs aside, Snapie?'

'I beg your pardon?'

'Oh, come now. You are human, are you not? In this workshop we will all show a little emotion, understood? After all, this is only part one.'

'Come again?'

'Say _what_?'

Snape and Black mirrored each other's expressions.

'Oh, look, common ground already! I said, my dearies, that this is only part one of the session. You did know that, did you not?'

'Do we look like two people in the know?' Black demanded, 'I knew about WAMC classes before Dumbledore and McGonagall proposed such a ridiculous command, but even I knew just about the counselling session. _What_ other part?'

'Other part_s_, my Star. There's the counselling – which we are doing now – the cloud trip… that might not be with me, but I love you two so much I might come along, the bondage and finally the party.'

'WHAT?!?' the two yelled simultaneously. Black was brought down to earth with quite a heavy bump. Suddenly the prospect of WAMC had completely lost its newfound appeal.

'Would you care to explain further?' Snape said, clenching his teeth.

'Yes, _please_ do,' Black added, digging his fingernails into his flesh.

'Very well,' she eyed them both and smiled. She always loved a stubborn pair who hated each other, 'the counselling part is self-explanatory. The cloud trip is exactly what it sounds like – you two go away for a while together, on brooms. I take it you both fly well?'

She got a retrained nod from both.

'Good. So, you fly together for a while… I think in your case we'll make it four days to a week.'

'WHAT?'

'_I BEG your pardon!_'

'Right, then a week it is. No, shush, listen to me,' she silenced them with a spell, 'better. Now, the cloud trip, you two are going to spend a week _revealing _in each other's company. A witch or wizard from WAMC will be with you at times, but not always. This will teach you to depend on each other a tad. Understood?'

Furiously moving mouths making no noise.

'I take it the message has gotten across. If you two hate the cloud trip, I'd love to see what you'll do with the bondage part of the course. You will be bound to each other for three days, in your normal lives, by magical ties, and will not be able to separate. This way you'll have to find common ground. Clear?'

One didn't think it was possible to exert such venom into nods.

'Good, good. The party. Oooooh, that's the best bit. You organize a party together, inviting basically everyone you know to show that you've gotten over your petty hatred. That's always a blast.'

Narrowed eyes and droplets of blood oozing out of palms.

'But of course, Albus paid for _two_ sessions, so it's all that multiplied by two!' Roxie grinned wickedly, 'oh, I can tell this is going to be a BALL!'

* * *

_The line 'Do we look like two people in the know?' is stolen directly from a FRIENDS episode. I do not claim it as my own, but love the line and decided to sneak it in._

_This chapter is dedicated mostly to **saria almasy albatou kinneas **who prodded me back to life after hibernation._

_Almost the whole WAMC course sounds like a very good time for some slash. Be assured that it will not happen. My Snape and Black are straight, and they will remain so. _

_I am still looking for a beta reader. If anyone's interested, email me at . Thank you._

_Hope you enjoyed the chapter. It was a bit tedious, for I am now enveloped by writer's block. Hopefully that won't affect my updates too much. Although it clearly already has. _

_I __apologise__ for the length of my author's note and thank you for reading this far._

_Until next time_

Lady Agatha 


	5. So What Will It Be?

**Wizard Anger Management and Control**

_By: Lady Agatha Hal_

Chapter Five

Rating: G

Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagall unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Light-hearted.

Chapter summary: Snape and Black continue their WAMC, part one, session.

Miscellaneous note: I was reading something J K Rowling said, and I laughed. She was being asked some questioned, and it became apparent to her that the crowd rather liked Snape. So she was asking, "why does everyone like Snape? I do not get it." It was really quite amusing. She was also talking about the movie, and that how, when a girl watched it, she'd fall for Draco. And she's like, "girls, let me give you a hint that took me thirty-five years to work out. Go for the good guy. DON'T be attracted to the bad guy." And throughout almost the entire evening, it came up, and at one point she said it was "quite distressing." LOL!!

Also, when she visited a Harry Potter chat room and was giving her 'theories' about what was going to happen in the seventh book – which was the TRUTH – no one was interested and said she was 'nuts' so she was reduced to leaving the HP chatroom and joining Spongebob Squarepants! LMAO! If only the people she was talking to knew it was J K Rowling they were talking to… heh. I just find it incredibly amusing… now, on with **WAMC**.

* * *

'Now, my dears,' she said surveying them closely, 'I would really like to give you your power of speech back... this is a counselling session, after all. But if all I'm going to hear is arguments and threats – which, may I mention, will _not_ work – I will simply make my own game up. For you, my dear Snapie, we shall play Dress Sev Up.'

Black forgot his fury for a minute and burst out in soundless laughter.

Snape glowered, holding his head high indignantly, and refusing to say anything that would result in his mouth moving and no speech.

'For you, my dear Star, we'll think of another game… or maybe the same one?' Black looked horrified now that the laughter had turned to him. At the look on Black's face, Snape managed to lower his anger by a notch. But just the one… 'So. Will you act like responsible adults, my dears?'

Snape bit on his lip so hard he was sure he could taste his salty blood. Black merely nodded. No speech was hardly worthwhile; he was constantly on the banter.

'Oh good, I can tell you two are going to be two of my favourites,' as Roxie smiled, her face softens and held the quality of a grandmother's wisdom and long age. She waved her wand and their voice boxes resumed their work.

'Favourites?' Snape spat, 'oh dear. I wonder what you do to those you don't like.' He pulled out his wand and conjured up some water, and took a deep gulp.

Roxie sat, smiling, waiting for what was going to come next. This bit was always fun…

3… another gulp,

2… still drinking…

1… glass's empty…

and…

'WHAT?' Snape said, and threw the glass down, 'wha… how… but… how did I just do that??' Not a lot of people had the liberty of hearing Professor Snape stutter… Black chuckled as he thought what Ron and Harry would say if they heard Snape stuttering. Ron's precise reaction would probably be something along the lines of now, why couldn't he do that while he was yelling at us, then?

'I was wondering when we'd come to that,' Roxie smiled.

'I'm rather interested myself, actually,' Black said, 'let me guess. These walls don't withhold magic… no that couldn't possibly be it, for how on earth would you do your spells? So, I'm getting it's a restraint magic lease. All spells uttered – or not, as the case may be – would go through either your mind or something you made, and anything that passes the test goes through and the spell is completed. Am I right?'

'You're more than just right, Star, you're wonderful!' Roxie beamed, 'yes, that's exactly it. It goes through the air, which has got magical particles I implanted, and then goes through me for the final go-ahead.'

'Oh so clever,' Snape muttered under his breath. Unfortunately, Roxie heard him and made his words echo louder around the room.

'Now, Severus,' Roxie said, completely seriously, 'why are you so jealous of Sirius?'

Jealous? Now that was new. Black cocked an interested eyebrow.

'Jealous? I beg your pardon, how on earth can anyone be jealous of that hairball?' Snape said, narrowing his eyes.

'You tell me, Sevvie, dear,' was all Roxie replied.

'I refuse to even believe, for one monotonous moment, that I would ever be jealous of any human individual, let alone Black.'

'Right, so, acceptance issues, too,' she murmured to a quill, which immediately sprang up, wrote down the note, and then dropped back down again, 'I picked up on that earlier, when you wouldn't give me a hug, Sev.'

'Oh, Merlin's beard,' was all Snape had to reply.

'Oh, my dear Snape, you are going quite downhill on your reputation front,' Black smirked.

'Star, don't antagonize Sevvie, please, I'm trying to read him… so,' she turned back to Snape, 'give me the hug I asked for, then.'

Snape didn't move. He didn't speak. He merely looked at Roxie. Not a look of loathing, or venom or anything of the sort. Just a curious look, like he'd finally realised that she wasn't going to give up.

Well, neither was he.

'I apologize. I stand my ground on the whole hugging prospect.'

Roxie's eyes started to attain a glitter of amusement, 'I see. You do realise, do you not, Professor Snape, that I have quite a few advantages? For instance, your magic is almost quite useless here. How does it feel to be reduced to something resembling a Squib, Professor?'

Snape looked her directly in the eye, his expression saying enough.

'I see. Don't underestimate me, young man, I wouldn't advise that. You'd be the loser in the end, believe me. Now, look at it this way, Severus,' she said, looking at him… one could almost swear Dumbledore's wisdom was glittering at him, 'you have a choice.'

'Finally.'

'I won't get too smart. Your choice is: you either come here and voluntarily give me a hug, or I can and will force you to hug Star.'

Snape's shocked expression could not possibly be bought. Black looked just as aghast.

'So, my dearest, what will it be?'

* * *

Well, I suppose that was a tad bit short… not as short as I could have made it, but short all the same. I hope it's relatively good, though… I don't know. Review and tell me, please. This is a filler, and yes, I could've just attached it to the next chapter. Problem is, however, that I haven't written the next chapter yet.

I want to thank my newly appointed beta, **Black Padfoot**, for going over this chapter, and reviewing the four previous ones.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed…

Oh, and **sparkling silver angel wings**: I'm afraid I cannot give you a picture of Severus in his underwear, regardless of how good a method of blackmail you think it might be.

Until next time,

Lady Agatha


	6. End Of First Session

**Wizard Anger Management and Control **

_By: Lady Agatha Hal_

Chapter Six

Rating: G

Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Light-hearted.

Spoilers: I have no idea; I'm not going to check. If anything pops into my mind that I can use from any six books, I certainly will. So all six, I suppose, though thus far, I don't think there are any.

Chapter summary: They wrap up their counselling session.

_Note: I cannot apologise enough for not updating for so long. I really, really am sorry, considering how much I absolutely adore this story. Life's been hell on earth, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear I lived on a hellmouth. I've made this chapter longer than my usual ones as an apology. I hope people are still reading :S_

_And what did everyone think of the sixth book? If you're reading this, and you haven't read that – then you're insane._

* * *

**Recap:**

'Now, look at it this way, Severus,' she said, looking at him… one could almost swear Dumbledore's wisdom was glittering at him, 'you have a choice.'

'Finally.'

'I won't get too smart. Your choice is: you either come here and voluntarily give me a hug, or I can and _will_ force you to hug Star.'

Snape's shocked expression could not possibly be bought. Black looked just as aghast.

'So, my dearest, what will it be?'

* * *

'And you really give me no other option?' Snape said tentatively.

'I think two's option enough,' Roxie said, smiling sweetly.

'Fine,' he said through gritted teeth, 'but on one condition.'

'Conditions? My, my dear, you forget who holds the –'

'I want my robes back!'

'Ah!' Roxie laughed, 'Well, I don't know. I think I would rather enjoy hugging you as you are now…' Snape's horrifed and shocked expression made her collapse with laughter, 'Oh, I'm just fooling around. No pun intended, of course. Yes, you can have some robes to put on. Not your gritty black ones, though, honey. How about something in a nice mauve?'

'NO!' Snape exploded, 'I am being _ridiculed_. Surely Albus and Minerva did not know the extent of this, this –' Black was looking beside himself with glee once again.

'What colour_ would_ you like, Sev? I'm not going to give you black robes. And I think it would be highly entertaining to change the colour of your underwear, don't you, dear?'

'Blue.'

'What was that?'

'Give me robes in a deep blue,' Snape said tightly. Roxie smiled brightly.

'Blue! That's really nice. A sky blue would look _gorgeous_ with your black hair… but I suppose I'd better steer away from that, on account of your ridiculously transparent skin.' She paused for a moment, 'Yes, deep blue would be fetching.'

Snape looked down and saw himself adorned in what were quite sufficient robes. They were neither frilly (thank goodness) or, to his relief, tight. He didn't know why exactly he thought she'd summon tight robes, but he was quite thankful that she hadn't. These were really almost identical to his usual set, apart from being blue.

'Sev, what do you say?'

'Thank you,' he said, looking more relaxed than he had been all session.

'Brilliant! You're pleased. Hallelujah! Sing with me, Star, dear!' she said, beaming. Black and Roxie fell to singing a chorus of _Hallelujah!_'s. Snape looked on with distaste, 'now, dear, who would you rather hug? Me, or my darling little Star?'

'You,' he said heavily. Black looked relieved.

'Come on, then,' she said, unmoving.

Snape got up and went over to her. He stiffly held his arms out, 'erm, what now?'

Roxie laughed, thoroughly amused, 'you actually put your arms around me, amazingly enough. You wally!' Snape bent down a little, and awkwardly put a hand on each of Roxie's shoulders. He pulled her an inch or two closer to him, and let go, 'no, no, _no_, no! Merlin's beard, Severus, how long has it been since you've hugged a woman?'

Snape blushed. Black jumped a foot in the air at seeing Snape's cheeks redden.

Snape. Was. Blushing. WHERE was Harry when you wanted to have a laugh with him! Where was ANYONE?

'I see,' Roxie said, and stood up. 'Now, dear. You put _both_ your arms around my shoulders. Not your hands on my shoulders. ARMS. Understood? And I'll put my arms around your waist.'

'WHAT?' Snape yelled.

'What, what?'

'Don't do that! You know perfectly well what I – flipped – about. You are _not_ going to put your arms around my waist!'

'It is perfectly traditional while hugging, Severus, you know,' Black said, smirking.

'Star, dear, come here,' Roxie said.

'WHAT!' Snape and Black both jumped back.

'He agreed to hug you! I don't have to hug him, do I?' Black said worriedly.

'No, dear,' Roxie sighed impatiently, 'come over here.' Black walked over, 'now, hug me, dear.' He put his arms around her and she hugged him back, 'See, Sevvie, dear? It's really quite simple. Now, you can be a baby and –'

Snape grabbed her, hugged her tightly to him and let her go.

After getting over the initial shock, Roxie smiled at him, 'That wasn't so hard, was it? And it was quite a nice hug, Sev.' She sat down, and they sat down after her.

Black was trying not to convulse with laughter while attempting to talk, 'May I just say, Severus, that I have never seen you look so sweet.' Snape glared, but had the presence of mind to keep her mouth shut. Clearly, the way to get through counseling sessions was to keep as quiet as possible.

If she even _tried_ to imply that he was secretly in love with Black because he said something like "I hope you rot in hell", he would decide death would be the safest option.

Black's death, of course. It would be quite pointless to diminish himself from the world. The world needed him. Black, on the other hand…

_At the end of the session_

'Now, we've been here four hours. Can you two boys summarize our session for us?' Roxie said, 'Rock, paper, scissors for who gets to go first. Best of three.'

They looked at her incredulously.

'What? Do you not know how? This is how it –'

'We know exactly how, Aunt Roxie. _However_, could we please settle this a more reasonable, less childish way?'

'Do you not embrace your inner child, Star?'

'With open arms, Auntie, with open arms. But please, another way?'

'No. I think it'll be good for you. Now, go.' The duo glanced up at each other with a look of resignation.

'Tell anyone,' Black muttered.

'And you will die,' Snape finished. They played three times, and Snape won.

'Brilliant. So what did you learn from our session, Snapie?'

'To not wear black robes the next time I see you,' he said, looking down his crooked nose.

She chuckled, 'But of course. However, I want you to look _deeper_ than that, Severus.' She looked at him seriously, 'What did you learn? And I would be honest, dear, cause I can dip into your thoughts and find what you really believe.'

'That's illegal!' he exclaimed.

'Not here, it's not, my sweet. I am quite a skilled Legilimens. I can and _will_ use my skills to invade your defenses. But it is quite tedious and long-winded. I'd much rather you tell me of your own accord.'

'Madam, I _do_ apologise, but I don't think I can continue with this. I have survived the counseling, a miracle in itself, and that was all I thought we would be doing. I certainly am _not_ going to ridicule myself further by part taking in any of the cloud trips, the ridiculous **bondage**, or the bloody ball that you mentioned. Do you have any idea how sex-orientated that sounds?'

'Oh, dear,' she pouted, 'is that what's been bothering you, my darling?'

'No. I was merely pointing out a fact.'

'I think it's bothering you. I have no advantage in turning you gay, Severus,' Roxie said, quite seriously, 'and I fear that ladies from all over would be out for my blood if I turned Star gay.' She smiled, 'I'm not your enemy, sweetheart.'

'Of course not,' Snape said automatically. He honestly hated himself for being here. He despised being polite; he was sarcastic and narcissistic by nature. He quite liked himself that way and had no wish to change. Moreover, the roots of his problem with Black went deep and ran true. In the past, both had tried to kill the other at least once. He had no idea how he would get Roxie to give up this insane idea of making the two get along. They were now eerily civil to each other, for neither wished to loose their jobs – and that was the one and only reason.

'For God's sake, Severus. I think I have made it clear that I want honesty in this room. I am _not_ your enemy, but if you think I am – and you evidently do – make no secret of it. Understood?'

And, of course, he _despised_ sharing his feelings. They were **his** feelings, damnit! He should be able to choose what to do with them, 'yes.'

'Good. And don't call me madam. I'm Aunt Roxie, okay?'

'If you so assiduously insist.'

She grinned, 'I really do. Now, we digress. What did you learn from this session, Severus?' she pointedly said his name and refrained from nicknaming him.

He glared at both of them, and clenched the armrest forcefully, 'I learnt,' he swallowed angrily, 'that I should dress more adequately, and should show emotion more freely. I also learnt that apparently my _hugs_ are not satisfactory. I perhaps might have jealously and acceptance issues – which I do not agree with you on. I think that pretty much covers it.'

'A nice overview. But that doesn't tell me what you learnt.'

'What, exactly, do you want me to say?' Snape asked, raising his eyebrow in lethal query.

'I want you to say what you think you learnt.'

Silence reigned for a few minutes, as Snape realised she would wait for however long necessary for him to start speaking. He looked over the embarrassing session in his mind, and wondered what to say. Finally, he spoke.

'I learnt that I'm not as accepting as I should be, and that I definitely have intimacy issues.'

Roxie smiled a big, warm and genuine smile. It made Snape sick to his stomach, 'Exactly, my dear, dear boy.' She smiled again, 'That's absolutely brilliant. A tremendous progress. I'll let Dumbledore know that.' Snape inclined his head, seemingly out of respect, but he was seething. She turned to Black, and repeated the question.

He answered easily, 'I think that I've learnt that I've underestimated the things that make Snape the way he is.'

Roxie smiled brilliantly again, 'that absolutely fabulous. Oh, I'm so proud of both of you. Yes, I know both of you are lying scoundrels, but saying something is the first step to believing it. Now, bugger off, my dears. I have a rather urgent appointment with a very, ah – delicate ex-Mister For Magic. I'll see you again for the next therapy session, then send you dears off on your cloud trip. Take care, darlings. Say hello to Minerva and Albus for me. Actually,' her quill re-appeared and scratched something onto a piece of parchment, 'give this to Albus, will you? You can read it, I neither mind nor care. Bye!' And she disapparated from the room.

They both hesitantly leaned in together to read what was written,

_Ablus, dear,_

_I thank you tremendously for sending me these two for my amusement. Thank your darling partner in crime for me, too. Quite charming of both of you. The duo are doing as can be expected of two. Sit them down to hear the amiable tale. I have to run, my old dear, Fudge is ever so testy these days. Take care!_

_Sherbet lemons,_

_Roxie._

They both scowled. Snape walked out of the room in a huff, leaving the parchment behind. Black picked it up and smiled slightly. However, fears of what would happen on the dreaded cloud trip soon wiped the smirk clean off his face.

* * *

_My sincere apologies. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one will not be of the next session, I don't think. I don't feel it's necessary. It might be of the first cloud trip. I don't know yet. We'll soon see._

_Hope to update soon,_

_Lady Agatha_


End file.
